I Have Turned Into My Mother

Karma.  Payback.  Reaping what you sow.  What goes around, comes around. . .

I am sure my Mother is in heaven right now smiling (maybe even laughing) at me.  I have lost count of the numerous things I have done and said this week that were just like her. Many of those times I wanted to pick up the phone and call her to apologize for being so hard on her.  Decisions she made about my clothes, hair, our personal lives, privacy, etc. were brought to my mind this week for numerous reasons.

The perpetual light bulb went off in my head so much this week, and the realization of why Mother did things the way she did them was so evident.  The admiration I have for her now is even more profound because there were times she could have really put me in my place for disagreeing with her.  Instead, she just quietly let me be hard on her.

I am not quite sure why the mother/daughter relationship is like this, but I have witnessed it first hand with Charlotte.  The desire to be independent about clothes, hair, make-up, friendships, privacy, and many more things sometimes drives a huge wedge between a mother and daughter.  However, just like in the story of the Prodigal’s son, my Mother was always willing to forgive and accept with arms wide open.

If I could call my Mother today and apologize for every fit I pitched about clothes, hair, or any other decision she made at which I rolled my eyes, I certainly would.  Deep in my heart, I know my Mother knows even now how much I appreciate every decision she made on my behalf.

This picture is a classic, yet simple example of my Mother standing firm on a decision.


I found this picture this week and immediately remembered the Saturday we had these pictures made.  We were at my Grandmother’s house in Anderson getting dressed for pictures, and I stood in my Grandmother’s bedroom and sobbed because I DID NOT want to wear this particular outfit. I hated jumpers and plaid shirts.  My eyes are visibly red and puffy in this picture.  Mom has her usual perfect glow and her smile still melts my heart.  Her skin was always so perfect, and I always remember thinking her make-up was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  I still buy make-up she used to wear when I am missing her a little more than usual.  Needless to say, I made a visit to the Lancome counter this week.

So Mom, if there is internet in heaven and you can read this. . .

Thank you.  Thank you for teaching me the value of sensible fashion, especially on picture day.  Thank you for being the best example during difficult days, even when I made you think you were making wrong choices.  Thank you for standing firm in your decisions when I made it hard.  I promise your influence has helped me more THIS WEEK than you will ever know.  I have never been more thankful for you than I am right now.  Thank you for being such an example of strength.  I still draw from that strength every minute of every day.

I hope this picture makes you laugh like it made me.  I am so glad I found it.

Happy Mother’s Day Week.



February Top 10 List

“All you need is love.  But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”  – Charles M Schulz

The grief process is certainly unpredictable.  The sentimental girl in me likes to reflect (probably way too much) on where I was this exact same time during the previous year.  This has been a difficult month of reflection.  It has been difficult to write or maybe just too painful to do so.  Be that as it may, my Mother was not one to “wallow” in self-pity, and she would be telling me to move on and think of good things. Please forgive my lack of posting for the month of January.

Good things.  There are many good thoughts when I think of the month of February.  Mother’s birthday is February 13.  I loved being able to celebrate her birthday because I knew, in some tiny way, we could make her feel special the way she did for us throughout the year.  The King girls love Valentine’s Day.  Mother always had a way of making each holiday special, and Valentine’s Day was no exception. I figured this was a great month for a top 10 list.  Here are some of the ways she used to make February special.

10. Fragrance –  Each season has its own fragrance. We decided these smells over the years and most have been around a very long time.  We love to use Yankee Candle’s “Fresh Cut Roses” fragrance during January and February.  It is difficult to find this time of year, but Mother and I associate the rose smell with Valentine’s Day and her birthday.  We thought it was a perfect match for this time of year.

fresh cut roses candle

9.  Brighton Jewelry – Mother was a hard one to buy gifts for.  She was the ultimate gift giver so finding the perfect gift for her was sometimes very difficult.  There are a few things one can never have too much of, and Brighton Jewelry is definitely one of them.  Daddy and I visited our beautiful friends at Wrapsodies each February and purchased pieces of Brighton for Mother.  I wear something every day that belonged to Mother, usually her favorite bracelet or necklace.

This is the locket Mother gave me for Valentine's Day 2011

This is the Brighton locket Mother gave me for Valentine’s Day 2011

8.  The Hallmark Valentine Stuffed Animal – Mom called every February from the Hallmark store to make sure she and I didn’t buy the same animal.  The children always get one from me as well.  We have a nice little collection of these from previous years.

One of the many we have now

One of the many we have now

7. THE CAKES! – We have THE BEST cake lady.  She has become a dear friend throughout the years and is one of the most talented people I have ever known.  Chris Patrick always does a stellar job in making our cakes so very special.  Mother loved her so very much, and I am so thankful for these beautiful, edible memories.

Mom's birthday cake from 2011

Mom’s birthday cake from 2011

Mom's 60th birthday cake-2012

Mom’s 60th birthday cake-2012

6.  The Clothes – Mother always bought the children clothes.  For the month of February, she usually bought something pink, red, and/or something with hearts on it.

Valentine's Day fell on a Sunday this particular year.

Valentine’s Day fell on a Sunday this particular year.

5.  Cute Cupcakes – Mother loved William Sonoma.  She always bought the cupcake decorating kits from there, and the children loved decorating cupcakes for each holiday because of that.



4.  Special Chocolate – Mother loved The Fresh Market so the past few years we received boxed chocolate from there.  For as long as I can remember, Mother and Daddy gave me a box of chocolate for Valentine’s Day.  My earliest memory of this was when I received a Whitman’s heart shaped box of chocolates with a doll attached to it.  I can’t believe a found a picture of one of these!  It’s a little scary looking now, but I LOVED getting these each year when I was a little girl.

My first memory of getting one of these- 2nd grade- 1983

My first memory of getting one of these- 2nd grade- 1983

3.  Early Phone Calls – Mother believed the first thing you should hear on a holiday or birthday was a special greeting acknowledging the day.  She never missed one.  I was very accustomed to the phone ringing before walking out the door to go to work.  It only lasted about 30 seconds.  “Happy Valentine’s Day!  Hope you have a good day.  I love you.”

2.  Fresh Flowers – It didn’t matter what kind.  Mother and I both love the simplicity of one flower in a bud vase scattered throughout the house or a big arrangement for the center of the table.  I knew she would love the smell and the look of roses for her 60th birthday last year.  We used 60 roses arranged in the dining room.  She loved it.

60 roses. 60 balloons. 60 letters of memories.

60 roses. 60 balloons. 60 letters of memories.

1.  TIME – Mother loved spending time with her family so much.  The gift of time was very special to her.  We spent time together a lot, but on special occasions, there was always that little bit extra.  I would give anything for more time today, but I am so very grateful for the memories I possess of special moments we did have together.

2012 – A Year to Remember


He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.  – Colossians 1:17

As 2012 comes to a close, I can’t seem to find adequate words to explain my feelings.  As much as I would like to close my eyes and pretend events in 2012 did not exist, I realize that is not a possibility. I have learned many things. I have made many choices, both wise and unwise. I have done things that would make my Mother proud, and I have done things she would seriously want me to reconsider.

I am overwhelmed when I think about the memories of 2012. In spite of the bad, there has been much good. There have been milestones created with the children that I don’t ever want to forget. New friendships have been made. Old relationships have become much stronger, and we have realized the importance of family in our lives now, more than ever.

There is still that one relationship that constantly evolves and always brings great thought and question to my mind every day. It is a relationship that brings comfort in a way I never imagined. I have questioned this relationship. I have been so angry with this relationship that I wanted to scream. I have been transparent with this relationship more than I ever have in my life.  I have also realized there is nothing I could say or do that could separate me from the love this relationship has to offer.  This relationship I speak of is my relationship with God.

I still don’t have the answers to questions I started asking this time last year. I probably have more questions at this point. However, I keep going back to 2 things.

1. I will never have the capacity to understand the answers, and I am okay with that (or at least I am today).
2. The message of this video below (that I have probably watched hundreds of times) still amazes me and brings me comfort.

There are days I still need to be reminded, in God, ALL THINGS HOLD TOGETHER. There are days I feel like I am crumbling into a million little pieces, but I choose to believe GOD HOLDS US TOGETHER. As 2012 comes to a close, I am so very thankful for the knowledge of how vast the love is that God has for us. I am thankful for the reminder, HE is the only one who can truly hold us together.