“My mother is a poem I’ll never be able to write, though everything I write is a poem to my mother.” ~Sharon Doubiago
It is very hard NOT to think about what our family was dealing with this time last year. It has almost been one year since my Mother went to live in heaven, and I remember the days leading up to it so clearly. I remember so vividly every doctor appointment. I remember what Mother wore, what she took to drink, how she wanted her lipstick in her lap, her sunglasses, how she wanted her hair perfect, the tissue she would grab to keep in her lap, the pillows she had to take, her blank stares out the window.
I used to think there would never be a time when I would not think of those things that make my heart hurt with such an excrutiating pain. I used to think the bad, painful, cancer memories would always be in the forefront of my mind. As I sit here in my living room, on Mother’s couch (the exact same couch she was sitting on this time last year), I can honestly say, the good memories FAR OUTWEIGH the medical ones, and I have this blog to prove it.
I knew writing this close to March 16 would be difficult so I have not written much lately, but today, I want to write. I want to remember the good things.
Psalm 139:13-14 says “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well.
It is no wonder we all feel such a connection to our Mothers. God created us, knit us together, inside of our Mother! We are beautiful pieces of art, and I want to remember my Mother just as that… one of the most beautiful pieces of God’s workmanship.
I realize this corrupt world plays a part in how our “masterpieces” become extremely messed up with sin, human nature, cancer, other diseases, etc. I still need God every minute of every day to refine, reshape, and mold this masterpiece called Amy Byrd. I have certainly made a mess out of that one. But when I hear my daughter’s laugh or listen to my Mother’s voice, or see my son playing in the backyard, or watch my husband play guitar, or see my Daddy helping a complete stranger, I realize what masterpieces we are surrounded by every day!
We found this video of Charlotte’s 2nd birthday party last week. I can’t believe how much she has changed in 2 years! Again, an example of the handiwork of God. This was the last birthday Mother was able to enjoy with Charlotte. The following year was tough because Mother had become very sick. This video is so very special to me for many reasons. The innocence and excitement of our little Charlotte is so evident. The VOICES heard around Charlotte are some very special people in our lives. It is both sets of grandparents, Darian, Will and myself singing. My Mother’s voice is very audible, and it is truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. I will treasure this sound for the rest of my life.
Here is an example of the masterpieces God created for me to enjoy…. I can’t help but smile and feel overwhelming gratitude.
“With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” – excerpt from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann