“Be Prepared.” – The Judy King motto. (I’m sure the girl scouts borrowed it from her.)
Life in the south is a wonderful thing. Each season brings distinct temperature changes as well as special events to celebrate this change in the calendar. It is not uncommon to wear shorts and a t-shirt one day, then wake up and need jeans and a jacket the next.
My Mother certainly did not teach me about procrastination. I can’t think of one time when she put something off until later. She always took care of things ahead of time. This usually frustrated me because her timing did not mix well with mine.
Every year, usually on the hottest day of summer, when stores would begin putting out fall clothes, my Mother would begin buying a few long sleeved shirts, sweaters, and jackets. When she delivered them to us, she would ALWAYS say. . . “You’re going to wake up one morning soon, and it’s gonna be cold outside. You’ll be glad you have this.”
One afternoon in early March of this year, I took the children to see Mother for what we now know was one of the last visits they would have with her. She was very medicated, and I was unsure if she completely knew what was going on. She kept insisting to Will that he go pick out a new coat. She told me to take her wallet and buy it. I kept telling her it was warm outside, and he might only use it a few more times. She continued to insist. I was not going to argue with my sick Mother, so I took Will shopping, and we bought him a new coat. We showed it to her, and I remember watching her cry as she hugged him. At that time, I thought I was just appeasing my Mother who had no idea what was really going on with the seasons or calendar.
I found that coat last week in Will’s closet, tags still on it. Then it hit me. She knew exactly what she was doing. She knew she was not going to be here on the first cold morning of fall this year. I watched Will wear that coat yesterday on our really first cold morning of the fall and felt gratitude in such an overwhelming way.
When I think about my Mother not being here, I still don’t understand why. I still get angry. I still have a heartache that seems to grow larger instead of smaller each day. However, something deep inside me knows everything will make sense one day. So for today, I am just so grateful for the way my Mother continues to speak to me.
I am grateful for the way God continues to speak to me.
I am completely unworthy.